Not much. I have an impression that this is something that everyone knows one way or another but I don’t exactly know what it is... The only thing I can tell you is how they call it:
Fondle your flagpole
Free Willy
Frost the pastries
Frosting your maple bar
Frying up the corndog
Gallop the old lizard
Gardening with the golden trowel
Genital stimulation via phallengetic motion
Get a date with Slick Mittens
Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle.
He has such a big mouth he can eat a banana sideways.
Please close your mouth so I can see who you are.
You remind me of a clarinet - a wind instrument.
Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle.
You may be the only person to ever gotten AIDS from a toilet seat by sitting down before the last guy got up, and you may well have been voted "Man of the Year" by Time magazine for having had more meat between your buns than McDonald’s, but what you fail to realize, Mr. Double Award Winner, is that all I want to hear from you is absolute silence.
Hello, my name is Martin and I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a traveling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone to whom you send "his" email, $1000? How stupid are we?
What a bunch of bullshit.
Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and
sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was started by Peter in 5 AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower.
Fuck them.
If you’re going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I’ve seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest friends, and
this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times.
I don’t fucking care.
Show a little intelligence and think about what you’re actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it’s our own unpopularity.
The point being? If you get some chain letter that’s threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it’s funny, send it on.
Don’t piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the ass of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he’ll receive if you forward this email.
Now forward this to everyone you know.
Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.
Have a nice day.
P.S. Send me 15 bucks
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